Sickness & Worries~~~

On Thursday (13/5/10), I forced myself to work despite I’m feeling very unwell. But I work less than an hour later, I became weaker and fever started climbing higher.

Feeling worse, I gave up and went to see a doctor. I was given sick leave for Thursday and Friday. I felt so bad to break the new to my manager as I’ve been unwell for the past few days.

Conclusion is that this month is really a sick month for me. My immune system has been working against me.

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Friday when I was the sickest, Aaron came home. I was visibly taken aback. I felt like questioning him but too weak. His presence really makes my illness worse. I wonder what his motive is. Perhaps he’s trying to make one last attempt in persuading me but too prideful to do so (divorce paper is out & I can collect tomorrow).

Whatever his reason, I will not change my decision….Our marriage is over and he has to face it.

Saturday the moment he woke up, he disrupted my peaceful nap. I was so drowsy when I heard him shouting. I quickly thought of Dinah and Naomi. True to my fear, they were hiding in the bathroom. I hold them close and bring them back to the room. While passing him, he started scolding Dinah. I was so mad, I wanted to scream at him but my bad voice doesn’t allow.

Once in the room, I called his mother, and demanded that she better get Aaron out of my flat, else I’m going to force him out of here. (I intended to call the police for help.)

Thank goodness, she manages to get Aaron to leave my flat. I tell her that this shall be the last time I ever want to see him up in my flat.

I understand Aaron still can’t let goes of the marriage but my feeling for him has turned into disgust and fear. Disgusted by his apparent lack of responsibility and fearful of his unpredictable behaviors, which leave me very cautious when dealing with him.

To me he’s like a ticking bomb ready to explode anytime and I fear the worst for my daughters. I’ve no idea what he might do to them and whether he will ever carry out his threat…

I hope time will get him to move on his life and let goes of our failed marriage……