Confusion

Yesterday went to court for the PPO (Personal Protection Order) that the idiot took against me and on behalf of the kids.(Can't believe this is his way of showing gratitude that I'm the main caregiver and he's rarely around for them) I can't imagine he's so free to keep creating problem for me. Why can't he be for once be mature and settle thing in a different light. Must he always resort to childish way.
I told him I wanted a divorce, and kind of dumb of me to told him soon. I should have waited till later stage when the letter almost serve him.
Seriously regretted my decision too. I think it's just prove that he's the typical guy that people always say that he uses his below to think.
After I told him about my decision to divorce he refused to provides us any maintenance not even his children. Instead he even suggested if no money, then don't send the children to school. What kind of father.(Sickening) He even hurled vulgarities at me.(As usual, I guess it's his favorite)
In a fit of anger, I threw away his medication along with other thing. I'm not reacting rationally as well. After throwing his things away, I felt so much comforted. But it was short lived, cos he got his relatives(granny, parents, auntie & uncle) to confront me. Especially his granny and parents, I think they are here to insult me.
I was so humiliated. His granny said I should feel blessed that he's willing to marry me, as I'm a "second-hand" good. If he doesn't marry me, no one will, and I actually forced him to marry me. He doesn't want to but I pestered him, and that I'm after his money and their maid(their maid on behalf of him help to look after the kids with me, supposed to be father job end up outsider). (I would think he's after my flesh, as I started working 1st, he as a"cute fat big leech" is still feed by his parents)
After all that insults and harassment, they said they are here to settle the issues. (What a joke) I would think you all most likely here to insult me than to settle our problem. By the way, he's not here. He's at the comfort of his parents' home, enjoying their "attack" at me.
Everything for few days was fine, except his parents continous harassment to the kids at the childcare. Untill Saturday (06/09/08), he returned home and deliberately gave me problem. He called and scolded me for throwing his medication away, putting his health in danger. (As usual, he always says that cos he has high blood pressure, so everyone mustn't agitate him, else he can get stroke.) I believed he knew it days before, cos that day when his relatives came, my girls told his parents I threw his thing away. I think he just wants to give me problem. So he shouted vulgarities again at me. I chose to ignore him, and he left angrily banging the door. 2 hours later he returned with his parents and auntie, and shouted at me AGAIN. I ignored them, wanted to bring my girls to the room, but his mother refused to let go. There was abit of struggled, and I activated the police. He kept emphasizing that I threw his thing away. He kept asking them if he can apply PPO for this reason. (I'm mentally prepared that he will do that) They left.
Monday I went to my mum's place to stay for few days, I'm sicked(bad sore throat), and I don't wish to quarrel. Tuesday when i returned home to collect some items, I'm expecting the govt letter pasting at the door. Well i'm right, really pasted on the door.
Wednesday they deliberately took leave, went to the childcare and took Naomi away. I've to go over and brought her home. All of a sudden, he so "concern" about the kids. All along, never bothered about their welfare, but suddenly so interested. (Hypocrite)
I tried to maintain my cool and it paid off. I kept remind myself my agenda of going to their place. We never mentioned about anything other then bringing Naomi home.
Issue settled, and I brought her home. Peace for the days to come, till yesterday (17/09/08), time for the 1st court session.
He was late. He reached at 10am, where it was supposed to be 8.45am. He's arrogant, showed me attitude, doesn't even looked like a victim, looked more like a tyrant.
After few hours of waiting, I have to return for another court session on the 24/09/08 @ 10am. I seriously wonder how many time I've to attend before it's over. (To think we've not started on divorce)
Expectedly, they went to the childcare and took Naomi away AGAIN. (As always, I've to go over) This time I make my stand clear that they shouldn't be disrupting her routine too much. She's taking her nap, and they took her out. An act of struggle of the child.
We reached a settlement, and I left without Naomi, cos she's asleep.
Now I'm confused whether to continue waiting for legal aid assistance or hire a private lawyer. Legal aid saves cost but wait long, and Private lawyer very expensive but short waiting time.
Money issue is a factor I can't ignore, as I'm left to support themselves and myself, I can't afford to spend excessively.
I will try to maintain thing as it is, and see how long I can hold onto. Hopefully, they won't push my limit too far.