Irritating~~~

I strongly believe Aaron daily goal is to think of different means to make my life difficult. Last Wednesday, my lawyer attends a court session on my behalf as Aaron has sought clarification of the court order.

Apparently during one of our much mediation we did discuss about the renovation loan but it was never firmly concluded and definitely not included in the order. So technically speaking, there’s nothing Aaron can do about it other than varying the order.

Learn from my lawyer that Aaron intends to vary the order. Now my wish is to regain slight normalcy in my life. I’m tired of Aaron’s childish and selfish way....why can’t he move on his life!!!

I’ve enough of my own problem and I’m grateful if Aaron doesn’t add onto my problem.....

Collection of papers....

This afternoon I went to Legal Aid to collect my interim judgment, making interim judgment final and order of court.

I’ve a mixture of feeling when I was handed the official documents. Part of me feels glad that finally a chapter closed but part of me feels sad that I can’t salvage my marriage. Till now I still blamed Aaron for not cherishing our marriage, yet I know blaming him will not alter the fact that we are divorced.

Last year at this time, I was still contemplating whether divorce was the solution for me and now I’ve made the choice.

I used to think that Aaron will be my other half. To see my belief fallen apart is sad for me but our differences are just getting wider and wider that I find it harder and harder to bridge it. I find suffocating and stiffening staying with him.

I just pray that Aaron and I will be able to maintain a cordial relationship for the sake of the children… I pray that Aaron will be released from his emotional bondages and grow up to be a mature, responsible, independent and considerate father and person…..

Sickness & Worries~~~

On Thursday (13/5/10), I forced myself to work despite I’m feeling very unwell. But I work less than an hour later, I became weaker and fever started climbing higher.

Feeling worse, I gave up and went to see a doctor. I was given sick leave for Thursday and Friday. I felt so bad to break the new to my manager as I’ve been unwell for the past few days.

Conclusion is that this month is really a sick month for me. My immune system has been working against me.

=====================================================================================

Friday when I was the sickest, Aaron came home. I was visibly taken aback. I felt like questioning him but too weak. His presence really makes my illness worse. I wonder what his motive is. Perhaps he’s trying to make one last attempt in persuading me but too prideful to do so (divorce paper is out & I can collect tomorrow).

Whatever his reason, I will not change my decision….Our marriage is over and he has to face it.

Saturday the moment he woke up, he disrupted my peaceful nap. I was so drowsy when I heard him shouting. I quickly thought of Dinah and Naomi. True to my fear, they were hiding in the bathroom. I hold them close and bring them back to the room. While passing him, he started scolding Dinah. I was so mad, I wanted to scream at him but my bad voice doesn’t allow.

Once in the room, I called his mother, and demanded that she better get Aaron out of my flat, else I’m going to force him out of here. (I intended to call the police for help.)

Thank goodness, she manages to get Aaron to leave my flat. I tell her that this shall be the last time I ever want to see him up in my flat.

I understand Aaron still can’t let goes of the marriage but my feeling for him has turned into disgust and fear. Disgusted by his apparent lack of responsibility and fearful of his unpredictable behaviors, which leave me very cautious when dealing with him.

To me he’s like a ticking bomb ready to explode anytime and I fear the worst for my daughters. I’ve no idea what he might do to them and whether he will ever carry out his threat…

I hope time will get him to move on his life and let goes of our failed marriage……

Need a break!!!

16/4/10 (Friday), I went down to court hopefully for the last time which I doubt so. On the 12/03/10 (Friday), we actually have agreed on the terms of the divorce and an order has been recorded.

After all the order has been recorded and done with, Aaron decided to change his mind and wanted to insert new terms into the order resulting in a delay in the extraction of the court order, thus resulted in 16/04/10 mediation.

On the 15/04/10, Aaron called to persuade me to reconcile which I have made it clear to him that I will not change my mind. Upon hearing this, he became agitated and I knew he will make life difficult for me. He threatens to bring the case for hearing.

I need not be clairvoyance but I surely know his character well enough. And true to my expectation, he not only wanted me to take over the renovation loan but he wanted to change the children’s access, flat issues and his credit cards debts. But I’ve checked with my lawyer and she has already advised me that he can’t change the order let alone bring the case for hearing. The case has been considered resolved on the 12/03/10, thus today purpose is to see if I agreed to take over the renovation loan. If I refused, there’s nothing he can do and my lawyer can still extract the order even without his lawyer signature. To summarise, the mediation is to get the judge approval to extract order without their signatures.

Aaron was furious when he knew that he can’t have his ways and he vowed to vary the order. I know what’s entailing me but I can’t stop him either. What a frustrating feeling!

In the late afternoon after the mediation, Aaron called and demanded me to return some money which he used to buy Naomi’s milk powder. I never expect him to start creating trouble for me so fast and we have an argument. Seriously, Aaron is the only person capable of bringing the worst mood out of me. Already my mood wasn’t that good despite knowing that I can get the order soon but going to court is really a terrifying experience for me and can be emotionally draining. Court will be the last place I ever wanted to step in again... Most importantly, I hope my case with Aaron can have a closing once and for all....

Feeling the emotional drainage, I’m dealt with another frustrating matter. My boyfriend knowing that I’ve attended court and feeling the heat chose to meet his pre-arranged friends instead of me. If not for my friends accompanying me, I will be backed home alone (they have brought the girls to their place so no dinner for me). I’m blessed to have friends who showed me so much concern. They knew that my mood will be affected and they treated me for a meal and kept me company.

The sad part is my friends showed me more concern than my boyfriend. My friends’ advice is that something fishy is about this boyfriend of mine. I too can feel it but I can’t find the right words to describe it. I believe it’s either he’s not serious and committed or he simply treats me as a substitute for his friends...

His apparent lack of concern is really inexcusable and I start to drag playing minds games with him. I decided to take a break from this relationship. If he can’t share my burden at least don’t add on to my existing burden. I believe that God will have the right one for me. I want a guy who can show me concern and treat me really like his girlfriend......

Untactfulness kill

Last night Aaron called me. I wasn’t surprised, I guessed I was expecting him to call soon but I disliked talking to him. Apparently we can’t strike a normal conversation without an argument arises.

I missed his calls several times not because I don’t want to answer but I’m on the line with his mum to discuss about Cora’s vacation and making back-up plan during those weeks when she’s not around.

If I picked up his call, it will definitely destroy my calmness in logical thinking. I decided priority is Dinah’s welfare as Cora not around has affected Dinah’s welfare not so much of Naomi and Natasha as they are both in childcare.

After I hung up with his mum, I called my mum to amend our prior arrangement. It’s always sweet to have parents’ support and I’m grateful to them. They are always around to help me out during my difficult time.

During these calls to my mum or his mum, he kept calling my mobile. I chose to ignore. When all was done, then I called him (basic courtesy). Unsurprisingly, out conversation turned to be an argument.

I have tried my very best to calm the whole conversation but unsuccessful. I can only say he’s very untactful with his words and it’s very offensive.

Aaron must learn to show sincerity or else he won’t keep anyone close to him for long other than his parents……………

Testing the water

Yesterday I was so hopeful that my room’s aircon will be fixed in the end the technician forgot about our appointment and he assured me that he will not forget today. I will give him the benefit of doubts.

Actually it’s Aaron’s mother who reminded me about the technician else I would really have forgotten too. I guessed they wanted to have dinner with the girls. Cora called me while I was on my way home to inform me that they were having dinner at KFC.

I joined them too. Sometimes it’s nice to sit down and have dinner with her and the girls as long as our conversation does not include Aaron.

After dinner, they sent us home and shortly after we returned to J8 as I have some groceries to get.

Our normal routine went smoothly and joyfully until Aaron’s mum called me at 11.20pm. Usually we should be asleep but last night we turned in late.

I thought she’s going to talk to me regarding Cora’s vacation but when she mentioned Aaron, my heart sank.

The last time we talked about our marriage seems ages ago (more than 6 mths). I definitely wouldn’t expect to be saying all this again as we have already dissolved the marriage and soon to be discussing about the ancillary issues.

It was all so sudden when I heard him wanting to salvage the marriage. She tried persuading me for 2 hours but to no avail. She mentioned about for the sake of the children and for Aaron. She described Aaron near nervous breakdown situation, but she did not consider me.

It’s not easy for me to move ahead and be firm on my decision. I gave him ample of chances but he never treasures. It’s a significant risk I’m taking by giving him another chance. I try to be optimistic but it’s really hard.

Like I told her we still have a lot of differences that has yet to iron out. The chances of we arguing will always be omnipresent. The essential ingredients to a marriage is trust, communication and love but I don’t trust him, I can’t communicate properly with him as he basically is a walking time bomb that I never know when it will erupt and definitely our love has died down.

Aaron’s mum can give me a thousand of reason but I never feel his sincerity and to me his pride will always be above our marriage.

I guessed she knew our conversation was heading nowhere, thus she suggested that we talk between ourselves privately. I agree on the condition that they don’t expect too much out of it. I guessed I myself lose confident in their words and definitely no trust in them…… Perhaps ultimately we will never get talk after all…….
My understanding of him tells me that he will never humble himself to take the first step. Sometimes I wish we can maintain thing as it is without mentioning Aaron………

Legally Divorce

I’m legally considered divorce. This morning I went for court hearing to legalize the dissolve of marriage. It was a speedy process. My case was the first to read, so I just sworn in court, and all I did were to say yes for everything my lawyer has asked me. The same procedure applied to Aaron as well. When both side were done, the judge announced the dissolve of our marriage, and give instruction for further direction in regards to our ancillary issues.

Finally I cleared the first hurdle and to me it felt like a major step ahead. I’m glad that I stayed firm to my decision to divorce now then later. Eventually we will still divorce as I understand I can never tolerate an immature and indecisive partner.

While I’m in Bangkok, I called regularly to the girls, and Dinah complained to me her mistreatment. He couldn’t even stand Dinah sitting next to him that he shouted for Cora to get her to sit away. Instead of addressing her name, he keeps addressing her as “that girl”. I can understand Dinah’s anger and frustration.

I despise him even more. A man vents his frustration on a child. He seriously ought to feel ashamed of himself, but I doubt he feels it. His action just proved right of my decision.

Last night, Cora told me that she intends to carry on working for them, I was aghast. To clarify her statement, I called Aaron’s mother. Indeed Cora was telling the truth, but I also informed her of my decision to bar Cora from coming. Effectively she can continue working for them but she needs not come over anymore.

I can’t bear for another moment of her infringing my privacy and the lack of freedom because of her “spying” on me. I would rather suffer for the time being at least till the ancillary issues iron out than to use her.

Indeed it will not be easy for me, since all will be in the childcare and student care but at least I have a peace of mind at home. Fortunately I have a set of supportive parents who agree to help me when I’m studying.

Definitely it’s not going to be a long term measure but for now that’s our arrangement. His mother upon hearing my arrangement feels uncomfortable and tried to persuade me to hire a maid. But she did not factor in the financial aspect. If I can afford, I will do so, but reality is my financial doesn’t allow me to do so.

I can sense that our conversation was leading nowhere, thus I ended with telling her to pray to the lord for guidance. Its meaningless arguing what should be done when I am pretty firm on my stand……………..

I doubt she will stop at there, but let take a step at a time, like I told her she can’t expect me to be clairvoyant. Let live as if we only have today, but we definitely can plan as if we live forever………………….

Chapter 1 closed

Yesterday I took half day leave to attend mediation in regard to my divorce. Both of us including our solicitors must attend. As usual, Aaron’s parents also attend, but I did not see any of them. I’m at one end and they are at other. It’s not done purposely; just very coincident that’s all.

Thing went very smoothly, as I have expected. It’s an unexplainable issue, but I just knew he would agree. Therefore it was a very short exchange between our lawyers. He agreed readily to an uncontested divorce and we went on to discuss the amendment of the divorce reason.

From a lengthy 8 pages long reason, we cut it down to 1 page and focus on the main reason – Dinah. Dinah was the main catalyst of our marriage breakdown, and the rest of the incidents were just add-on. Both of us accepted the facts and now we are just waiting for the hearing for an uncontested divorce. All divorce has to go before a judge, sort of a confirmation of the both party acceptance to dissolve the marriage.

I dislike the feeling of going to court. Personally court holds a very melancholy feeling for me. Yesterday as I left, I felt a surge of memories flooding back, a bittersweet memory.

I cherish and love those times when Aaron was thoughtful, even though not a lot. It’s a mixed feeling I experienced, and just hope everything can wrap up soon, so that we can move on. I don’t want to keep holding onto past memories which I know is gone for good.

I hope that’s how Aaron feel too……… I guess mutually our feeling is slowly diminishing over time, thus less anger, that's why we are able to sort thing out amicably..........

Dampening Moment....

Sunday (06/09/09) evening, Aaron’s parents suggested bringing the girls to Raffles Town Club for swimming. I thought it was great and agreed. I knew Aaron would go but did not think he would be much of a problem, since they ever joined them to swim once without me, and it went fine (at least that’s what I thought).

I did not swim as I experienced some inconvenience, thus I stayed to look after the belongings. I was reading my book when I heard a shout. I recognized the voice. It was Aaron. My experiences tell me that he must be shouting at Dinah. I was right.

I tried calling Dinah over but his mother was comforting her. I did not know what they are talking but I did manage to get Dinah over. I asked her what had happened, halfway explaining she cried.

As a mother’s stand, her crying will break my heart. I comforted her and reassured her that I will try to avoid similar incident from happening, despite I know it might not be easy. Apparently Dinah wanted the ball which Natasha was holding. While Dinah was snatching, he snapped and shouted at her to leave Natasha alone.

I did not know whether his bad mood stem from seeing me or he just wants to vent his frustration on Dinah. Either the reason, I don’t care. I just know that it is best that Dinah avoids him as much as possible.

I guess in the future it will be best that Dinah doesn’t join them, especially when Aaron is in. They can’t predict his stormy moods let alone protect my girls. When face with his moods swing, they can only ask us to tolerate and be mindful in the future to watch out for his changes. Which I find it ridiculous, how an adult can expect kid to know his moods when they as his parents can’t even do so……..

Nonetheless, I know it is useless arguing with them, as their stands are deeply rooted. So the next alternatives will be avoidance…………….

Show down

Finally I received Aaron’s defense and counter claim on Friday (21/08/09). I actually don’t mind he put all the faults to me, and I don’t feel the need to resonate that caused the marriage to break down.

But I was forced to retaliate as his claims are simply too much. He changed the story around and accused me of breaking the family and that’s fine with me, but what he wanted are beyond my agreement.

He wanted the custody of Naomi and Natasha with reasonable access to me, equal division of the flats and/ assets, provide maintenance for them and bear his entire legal costs.

He is trying to take advantage of me, thus I was advised to retaliate his claims and defense. I will never give up their custody and for this reason I will fight him back.

Mt intention was never to wash all the dirty linens in the public and saved some face for him. Apparently he doesn’t appreciate, and tries to take over their custody. So over the weekend, I have to prepare my assignments as well as my side of the story in regard to his claims.

I presumed Aaron acted out of revenge or anger. He is too narrow-minded. Eventually we the judge will base on both our faults and grants the divorce. So what Aaron is doing now is just wasting our time. He already has the intention to divorce too just he wants to be in the good light.

Basically I’m fine with it. If feeding to Aaron’s ego of being right makes him feels good, then by all means. It’s doesn’t matter a lot to me from the way I see it. Whoever right or wrong doesn’t alter the fact that our marriage has broken down irrevocably, and pointing fingers at each other is just going to create more hostility in return will affect the children.

I believed if children are involved and the marriage has broken down, then we should try to settle this as amicable as possible for the benefits of them. Only the start of the divorce already there are so much arguing, then what about the subsequent stages. I thought we have been separated for so long and our anger should have cooled down significantly thus we should be more rationale.

Seems like Aaron has not, and he will not see our marriage breakdown from another angle…………..

Ignorance is bliss

Yesterday I went to visit Aaron. I was surprised to find him looking healthy. He doesn’t look sick to me. I felt cheated by his mum. I remembered his mother was saying how sick he was on Sunday.

I presumed he’s not physically sick rather his mentality. We had nothing much to talk about. I thought absence makes the heart grows fonder, apparently for us is absence makes the heart grows further. I felt we are drifting very far apart. The good new – we don’t quarrel, because we don’t even have anything to communicate.

I regretted my decision to visit him. Ignorance is bliss is very true in this case. Casually, I asked him of his health, and encouraged him to take a walk outside (he has been copping in his room or house for over a month already). He brushed aside, giving excuses that he needs to rest. A lazy person will gives a million excuses just to delay thing.

We fell silent and I had to crack my brain to continue the topic. Out of concern, I asked his company position of his long medical leave. He replied that they (his parents and him) have gone to Ministry of Manpower to claim his insurance. He’s very certain that his injury is work related, and I’m skeptical about it. I still believe that its partial work related.

Nevertheless, I continued our topic, and asked his plan for the future as I presumed that he will quit his job. I’m correct, as he doesn’t want to return to his job anymore, yet he has no planning for his future.

Actually he’s very contended with his life now (why shouldn’t he?), he has people serving him (foods and drinks are served right to his doorstep) and parents supporting (financially) him. He’s basically living on cloud nine; no way has he wanted to return to the reality.

I’m not surprised either as I have told my mum earlier that he will be worse than previous. The sickening part – he actually ask his father to drive his car (his father has his own too), and refused to allow me to use (ignoring the fact that we travel during the weekends and he also never provide much for us too). This proved how much trust we have of each other. Money can sees a person true color……

Once again we have nothing to talk, and I left shortly. I left with utter disappointment as well as disgust. He deliberately dragged not only his job but also the divorce hearing. At least, I know his strategy, thus I’m able to give firm instruction to my lawyer. This is going to be the last adjournment and I want it to be before National Day.

A lot of feeling crossed within me, thus I called Alex out for a chat. I’m fortunate to have friend staying near me and supportive friends as well. I felt a lot better after releasing my frustration and doing a little shopping. Shopping therapy to a certain extent is helpful.

From here, I know Aaron has never move forwards, but I have. We are 2 different world colliding with each other, and nothing good will comes out of it......But they don’t see that……….

Discussion with lawyer - 1st hearing

Yesterday morning, I’ve an appointment with my lawyer for a pre-hearing briefing. It was to brief me on the procedures and what might happen.

He told me that Aaron’s lawyer sent a letter to request for an adjournment, so he needs to know my position.

Naturally, I don’t agree. I told my lawyer that this case has been dragging very long, and I find it meaningless to continue dragging. He agreed too.

So after some discussions, we decided to still go ahead with 16th June 2009 court hearing, but I need not be present. He predicted that they will ask directly from the judge since I refused to accede to their request.

Since it’s our 1st hearing, the judge will usually grant their request. But he said that it’s doesn’t mean that the case is not progressing. Even though, the judge allows adjournment but in between they will be required to file their defense, in another way the case is progressing.

I’ve expected them to request for adjournment so when the lawyer told me, I was mentally prepared. Base on my understanding of them, they would resort to these.

Firstly, Aaron is still recuperating, thus he’s not in “shape” to handle such big blow. Secondly, Aaron needs to provide his side of defense and I don’t even think they told him yet.

We have a relatively short discussion and I left for work hurriedly (I took time-off just to attend to this).

Somehow I have a very mixture of feeling. My heart felt lighten knowing that there’s some indication in my case, but at the same time I felt sad knowing my marriage soon-to-be over.

I will be sad and disappointed; after all we have been married for 5 years. Not a long time, but definitely not short either, and if no love for him, I wouldn’t even feel sad. Emotionally, I’m reluctant to let go, but logically, I’m aware of our problems, despite my effort in minimizing our conflicts, it just doesn’t work. It’s takes 2 hands to claps and I can’t be always giving in to him like his parent; that’s unhealthy. Besides, I can’t tolerate any longer with his parents’ interference in our marriage as well as their over-protectiveness of Aaron.

Time will heal the wound, and life still carry on with or without him………………..

Surgery's Discovery

Friday (05/06/09), Aaron went for his spine operation at SGH. I did not take leave for that purpose but his mum did.

She called me during the intervals to update me of his condition. In between, there was slight miscommunication between the nurses and his mum, or maybe it’s due to their poor co-ordination. Whatever the reason, everything went smoothly.

His mum did call me to complain, and I knew she hasn’t took her lunch yet, so I deliberately took time-off to visit Aaron, so she can relax.

Aaron was asleep when I reached. We accompanied him till 8.30pm.

Saturday, I did visit him for a short while in the early afternoon. I don’t think I help much but at least paying him a visit doesn’t cost anything.

Sunday while we were attending church, his mum informed me that the hospital called to inform her that Aaron wanted to be discharged.

So after service, we went straight to SGH, while his father fetched the girls back home and bought them lunch.

While waiting for his medicines, Aaron grew impatience and started venting his frustration at the nurses. For that, I tried to be understanding.

We took a cab back to his parent’s house, and I stayed for a while then left home too.

Since now he’s home, I believed I need not visit him anymore, he’s definitely in good hands.

I’m still holding onto my stand of divorce. I sound heartless insisting divorce. I knew we would have problems later on. His parents never realized that they are contradicting themselves. They always say they want him to be independence, yet they are also overly-protective of him. I don’t wish to wait till the day they realize or pass away for Aaron to be a man.

I can understand its mother nature to be protective of their broods but to his mum extent is unexplainable.

Anyway, Aaron’s discharge made me realized that we have never built our lives together. His most comfort place is never our home; instead it’s his parent’s home. Perhaps he can reasons this with our constant argument, but it doesn’t matter much, as I’m tired too.

Our beginning has been a mistake and it has been worsened by his parents’ constant interference.

I guessed our confrontation will begin soon, as I received call from my lawyer that the date is still available, so divorce 1st hearing will commence 16/06/09.

Hopefully the matter can be resolved soon, so that we can move on our lives as individuals……………….

Disheartening Discovery

Last night after celebrating Dinah’s birthday, I was dead beat but I still spent time playing with them. Everything went smoothly, till Aaron came home. Sometime I rather he continued his nonchalant towards me, perhaps it might be better.

Like I told my friends, whenever we have cold wars, it’s common for us not to communicate for months, but what I did not include were – Aaron will only initiate talk with me when he needs help from me.

Last night was exactly what happened. Since last week, we haven’t been talking, till yesterday reason being he needs me to sign the CPF Medisave withdrawal form for his surgery on the 05/06/09. It was bad enough; the worst was he doesn’t even know how to spell my name.

Nonetheless, I did sign the form, but I knew I will not make any attempt on our marriage anymore. I’m totally disheartened. I know this incident will continue to bug me, and it just dawned on me that he’s too self-centered to such an extent his heart has no room for any other person other than himself and materiality.

I don’t know how long our current status quo will remain, but I’m certain soon his parents will bug me again.

I tried calling my lawyer to inform them to stop negotiating for separation instead go ahead with the original plan, but he’s in the meeting. It’s either today or tomorrow he should give me a call…..

Hopefully today I can finally get to rest peacefully but I doubt so as long as he’s around…………..

Another round of disappointment

I was naïve to think perhaps thing might work out between us after all, but I’m wrong. Aaron is pushing his luck with my leniency.

For a moment I seriously thought he’s trying his best for the sake of the marriage, but so fast I see his true color again.

Thing was going smoothly initially, and for once we were on talking term. It’s good new, instead of hostility we managed to break some ice.

But thing seems to change course recently. Lately I realized he’s into horse racing. I was utterly disappointed in him. Still, I thought I could talk some sense into him. I explicitly voice out my dismay, and he acknowledged it for a while, but he continued nevertheless.

Somehow I found his addiction spiraled out of control, perhaps due to his long medical leave, leaving him idle, thus he channeled all his energy to gambling. Regardless of whatever reason it can be, he should knows my dismay, but he ended up explicitly showing his dismay of my constant irritation of his horse racing habit.

He made me feel like I’m overly concerned of his affair and I shouldn’t be bothering so much. No longer had he talked to me, all his attention has been on the horses. Well then should I cared too much of him too.

The only time he bothered to talk to me was regarding – divorce. Apparently our conversation is circling around divorce, so does that mean once I cancelled, we will also have nothing to talk, and that’s pathetic.

So on Friday night he asked me about our divorce case. He asked me if tomorrow (Saturday, 30/05/09) we are still going to withdraw the divorce case. I refused to abide. I was boiling mad. I voiced out my frustration, and he got mad. He called his parents to complain.

Anyway to cut the long story short, I knew they would “visit” me on Saturday (30/05/09), and as predicted they did.

I hated the way his father talked so authoritative, like commanding me to obey their wish. Prior to their coming, I phoned my mum to get her to phone me half an hour later so I have a valid excuse to excuse myself.

Somehow I get to speak privately to his mother, and I voiced out my stressfulness of their constant presence and interference. I presume she received me message. My mum called as planned and it worked. They left shortly thereafter.

I have asked my lawyer to convey messages to his lawyer. He can’t have the best of both worlds. It’s either he agreed to a deed of separation or we will head for divorce.

Like I told Huijun, I’m a typical lady who prefers my partner to shower me with love and attention, not one that ignored me most of the time, and doesn’t even pacify me when I’m mad with his wrong-doing.

Aaron really has no sense of capturing ladies hearts and let alone mine………

If he continued relying on his parents, I don’t know what will become of our marriage…….Our marriage is build upon his parents interference or should I say their over-protectiveness of Aaron………………

Exam Preparation & Meaningful article

Today is Dinah’s math exam. I deliberately applied morning leave to coach her. I’m concerned for her but apparently she’s too carefree, and this is common for kids generally.

I don’t wish to pressurize her, but neither too relaxes with her. It’s a balancing task, and I do tip off the scale many times. I have to constantly remind myself and put myself in her shoes.

Now I can understand my parents’ agony whenever I scored poorly, and I hoped Dinah won’t disappoint me. If she ever does, perhaps it’s an indication to me that I need to find out from her if my teaching method is too confusing.

Sometime parents need to educate themselves too, and it might be the case of parents teaching or expectation is too hard…..

Just have to wait for her results…………

Another thing I need to include, and that’s unrelated to Dinah. I checked my email and read an interesting article.

It’s talked about relationship, and it set me thinking about my insistence.

I have to admit that divorce isn’t an easy thing to deal with……

The article quoted this:

“EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make'
it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make'
love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember always this:

God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away, who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.”

The article is like a wake up call to me, and I’m thinking if my ideology is too far stretched, and will my insistence hurt my family happiness........

Problematic conversations.......

I don’t think Aaron and I can carry a decent conversation. He’s trying to persuade me to withdraw divorce petition. I refused. Vague conversations still can flow through between us, but when our conversations become in-depth, that’s where our problems arise too.

What I see is still the same old him, unpredictable moods, irritable nature and insensitivity. Without saying, I know if I continue our marriage, the likelihood of us clashing will be super high.

I consider him too weak, even though he appears tough on the outside, in reality, he can’t do anything without his parents. Whenever he encounters problems, he will for sure turn to them for help, even minor issues.

I can’t imagine having to tackle him as well as his parents. Poof, this can be real tiresome. Even his parents can’t assure me that they won’t interfere, and even if they did, it won’t last for sure, as Aaron will use the “ultimate” to force them too.

To make matter worse, Aaron can’t even show respect to my parents. Eventually, I will still burst out. I simply can’t tolerate my other-half disrespects my parents. And he’s so inconsiderate, I’ve to work study and look after the kids, yet he never shares the burden with me. At least, bother to send us to school or work since he has a car, but even something so simple also can’t be done. Really disappointing! Initially he will do so, but after a short while, he will give me ample of excuses, and his favorite forever is unwell. Boy – he’s made of tofu……

Conclusion, Aaron is too pampered to change and he’s too dependent of his parents. My view is as long as his parents interfere, our problem will continue to be manifested. They told me that they want to gradually let him be independent, but I don’t have the patience to wait for that day to arrive. I have been waiting for 4 over years, and when will it happen.

Apparently, we still have a long way to go before this matter comes to an end or should I say it’s just the beginning of the worst……………..

Wonder what Aaron up to???

Last night, Aaron returned home suddenly. Can he for once don't appear out of the blue? Thankfully, I was in my room removing make-up, at least that gave me time to digest the news.

Coincidentally, in the evening while I was walking home, I was thinking about divorce. About why it took Legal Aid so long to deliver a documents. Aaron did flash across my mind, but in a negative way. I felt sudden surge of disgust in him, and how I desperately wanted to regain from this loveless marriage.

But I'm not going to let him destroy my mood. When I reached home, and sees my girls, mood changed and everything as usual, till he returned.

I tried to go on as normal, but his pressence made me boiled with anger. I distracted my bitterness towards him, by focusing on my girls, and watched video online. I avoided all form of contacts with him.

He just sat on the sofa doing nothing, not even communicating with the girls. They all left him pretty much alone too. Later he went inside the study rooms, and sat down on the sofa again. He left shortly after I went inside the room with the girls.

For so long he never returned, it's meaningless that he just appeared suudenly. What is his significane of returning - to show he "cares". That is hypocrisy to me, and why not he continues to hide behind his parents shelter, just like a hermit crab. Don't bother coming back. I don't welcome him at all if I get the chance, I will chase him out once and for all...............

Total Stranger

Yesterday lunch and dinner, Aaron joined us, which is rare. I requested to go for 1st service, cos I wish to go back home to rest early.

For 1st service, it will end at 11.30am. Halfway through the service, I guessed he called his mum, that why he showed up after the service.

It was rare that he can wake up so "early" and joined us for lunch. We went to Swensen for lunch. I deliberately told them my life is going very well. It's to indirectly let him know I would rather not stay in this mariage with him.

I can see he appeared unhappy, but I ignored his presence. We went home after lunch. His parents wanted to bring the girls out for dinner as well as buy them toys. So I agreed.

We went Orchard - Takashimaya. We strolled along orchard road, looking at their x'mas decoration. We stopped at the Takashimaya's fountain and took pictures, when I saw Aaron.

Initially, I thought I made a mistake and see wrongly, till Cora confirmed I'm not. Even though we had dinner together, but we did not talk still.

And I'm uncomfortable being with him. We kept walking seperate way, till eventually we head home seperately.

I presumed he hoped we can go back to normal. Perhaps he hope I will talk to him and our relationship will be back to normal.

Too bad, I'm not interested in being initiative and definitely being with him again.......

Discussion - Legal Aid

They really meant what they say. They did not turn up for the appointment at legal aid (27/11/08).
Good new, cos I can leave early. I've appointment for eye-brow trimming at Bobbi Brown - Raffles City at 12.15pm.
I told the lady he won't attend, cos his father has called me last night. Since he doesn't want to discuss, she just took down my request, and will prepare a document to him.
We discussed only about the children custody, maintenance and our flat. I told her about my requirments and I left.
But I learned from her that my mother-in-law called few days earlier to enquire about the purpose for today meeting.
I'm not surprised if they called, cos they alway do that. Since they are not interested in discussing the issue, we might face an ugly battle in court.......
Let nature takes its course...........