Testing the water

Yesterday I was so hopeful that my room’s aircon will be fixed in the end the technician forgot about our appointment and he assured me that he will not forget today. I will give him the benefit of doubts.

Actually it’s Aaron’s mother who reminded me about the technician else I would really have forgotten too. I guessed they wanted to have dinner with the girls. Cora called me while I was on my way home to inform me that they were having dinner at KFC.

I joined them too. Sometimes it’s nice to sit down and have dinner with her and the girls as long as our conversation does not include Aaron.

After dinner, they sent us home and shortly after we returned to J8 as I have some groceries to get.

Our normal routine went smoothly and joyfully until Aaron’s mum called me at 11.20pm. Usually we should be asleep but last night we turned in late.

I thought she’s going to talk to me regarding Cora’s vacation but when she mentioned Aaron, my heart sank.

The last time we talked about our marriage seems ages ago (more than 6 mths). I definitely wouldn’t expect to be saying all this again as we have already dissolved the marriage and soon to be discussing about the ancillary issues.

It was all so sudden when I heard him wanting to salvage the marriage. She tried persuading me for 2 hours but to no avail. She mentioned about for the sake of the children and for Aaron. She described Aaron near nervous breakdown situation, but she did not consider me.

It’s not easy for me to move ahead and be firm on my decision. I gave him ample of chances but he never treasures. It’s a significant risk I’m taking by giving him another chance. I try to be optimistic but it’s really hard.

Like I told her we still have a lot of differences that has yet to iron out. The chances of we arguing will always be omnipresent. The essential ingredients to a marriage is trust, communication and love but I don’t trust him, I can’t communicate properly with him as he basically is a walking time bomb that I never know when it will erupt and definitely our love has died down.

Aaron’s mum can give me a thousand of reason but I never feel his sincerity and to me his pride will always be above our marriage.

I guessed she knew our conversation was heading nowhere, thus she suggested that we talk between ourselves privately. I agree on the condition that they don’t expect too much out of it. I guessed I myself lose confident in their words and definitely no trust in them…… Perhaps ultimately we will never get talk after all…….
My understanding of him tells me that he will never humble himself to take the first step. Sometimes I wish we can maintain thing as it is without mentioning Aaron………